Monthly Archives: March 2015

Trickett

I wrote an essay for The New York Times in 2013, about parenting with ALS. And every time a new comment came in online, I was nervous. I hadn’t talked to many people with ALS and hadn’t ever written something in such a public forum. I felt extremely exposed. Then a comment came through that began with the line “You and I share this journey…”

The poster was Trickett Fewell Wendler, mom to three young kids, who had lost her father to ALS and had been diagnosed herself earlier that year. Trickett’s version of the disease moved fast. She was dancing in March, wheelchair-bound in July. I felt instantly connected to her based on her comment, so I looked her up on Facebook (bless her beautiful and unusual name!) and we made a phone date. She was from Wisconsin and sounded like so many of the people I’d gone to school with there. Like so many members of my midwestern family. She was familiar.

I don’t even know what we talked about, we just talked. I had a three-year-old, but Trickett’s kids were a little older and she had to deal with their growing understanding of her illness. I do remember that she was working on an article for her local chapter of The ALS Association, and she was nervous and excited to see it in print. She was an activist for ALS awareness, and very vocal with ALS organizations about her expectations and frustrations around the work they were doing. People listened to her. Read More>

Good Listening

Scarlett’s school fundraiser was on Saturday night. It was a beautiful event, and a smashing success, thanks to the efforts of so many people. Two days before the party, I came down with a little cold, and by the time Rob and I arrived at the venue, I had almost no voice. So there I was, in a loud room of 400 people, without a great way to communicate. And it made me think about ALS. I was in a wheelchair, my hands weak enough that Rob had to cut my food for me at our table, and to top it off, I couldn’t talk. This is the reality for many people with ALS, all day, every day.

I thought about my friends who say that ALS is destroying their intimacy with their spouses, their ability to parent their children, their social lives. We can—and we do—make the best of it. But at its core, ALS is a disease that seeks to destroy our relationships with other people. It’s a cruel and isolating illness. That night at the party, I was ok. I knew my voice was coming back, and I could still summon up a whisper to get short thoughts across. As I said to a friend that night, I love talking (“Oh really?” she joked. “I hadn’t noticed!”), but taking a night off from it was illuminating.

It’s highly likely that I talk too much. And it was interesting to just listen, to hear what people say to a person who is pretty much just smiling and nodding. But it was also frustrating. I have comments. I have stories. I have jokes!! That night, I relied on a whisper that was still sometimes too low to be heard, which is why Rob almost lost a bunch of money during the live auction portion of the evening. Read More>

Ski Tripping

Rob and Scarlett spent last weekend skiing in Lake Tahoe. It is well established in my family that Rob would spend every weekend in Tahoe if this were possible. He even announced recently that he would like us to move there for the month of February 2016, which to me sounded bizarre and slightly arbitrary, but to him sounds like living the dream. Never mind that we would have to take Scarlett out of kindergarten for a month, which is totally not happening, unless Rob thinks that she will be home-schooled by squirrels.

But, I mean, not to be a total killjoy. Maybe it could work.

(It could not work.)

This year, to support my husband and his love of all things mountainous, I committed to going to Tahoe once a month for the winter. It’s not very much, but we have a surprisingly busy schedule of visitors and events, so it’s the best we could do.

And then on our first trip there, in January, Rob presented a new idea: A trip to Tahoe for just him and Scarlett. I greeted this proposal with all the maturity of a child who has been told they will not be having dessert for the rest of their life. Read More>