Category Archives: Drugs

Three Nights

Wednesday: We went to the emergency room because every time I coughed, I ended up choking and it was freaking me out. I couldn’t seem to get the cough out, only push it back where it came from and make myself feel even worse. It was a little like early labor in childbirth; I ignored it for as long as I could until it was clearly time to seek professional help.

Rob was on a work retreat, so my sister drove me to the ER, with Scarlett in the backseat running a constant commentary, and driving me nuts. I was concentrating so hard on breathing. When we got to the hospital, I went ahead, while Liz handed Scarlett off to her Uncle Rob. The ER was half-full when I rolled in, with one person ahead of me at the window. I felt awful. I knew I had to cough, but the prospect had become terrifying, like filling my throat with glue and then trying to breathe around it.

A Dr. walked into the room. “Mrs Copeland?” he said, looking around. I caught his eye and made the universal sign for choking. “Mrs. Copeland?” he said again, this time to me. I shook my head, indicating that I was having an emergency. “Oh,” he said, and walked away. “You’re okay.”

When Liz walked in, she dealt with a ridiculous check-in process, all the while trying to contain her anger as she kept repeating my sister has ALS and she can’t breathe. Read More>

ICU Haiku

ER, Pneumonia
Hooked to a ventilator
Just another day

Or alternate ending:

Fuck you, ALS

ALS Awareness Month

May is ALS Awareness Month. Last year at this time, I changed the Speed4Sarah Facebook profile picture to this:

I like to stay optimistic about my future, to recognize that no one knows what’s going to happen and that we could, in fact, find a solution to slow down this demon—in my lifetime. But I also appreciate statements like the one above, because I think they help people begin to understand the absolute INSANITY of ALS. It sounds like science fiction, but it happens to people every day. Today, someone will experience the first signs of ALS, and they will have no idea what the hell is going on. Someone (many someones) will be officially diagnosed. People will die of ALS today.

It’s a conundrum for me, as I try to share my love of life on this blog, while not sugarcoating the reality of how everything has changed, and will continue to change.

I am someone who could walk—and who did, even at times when driving made a lot more sense. I am someone who could run—and ran miles. I am someone who cooked—and loved trying new recipes. I am someone who traveled—all over the world.

Those things are gone, and it’s completely true that I’ve found new ways to release stress and find happiness. But I miss my abilities, which now feel more like they were superpowers. Read More>