Category Archives: Relationships

Letter to a Friend

Dear _____,

I was just thinking about who to write, when your name popped into my head. You’d think it would make more sense to write to people who are still alive. They’d probably appreciate it, and in fact, I do owe several people notes and emails. But you are the one I want to write to. Or if I’m saying this grammatically, you’re the one to whom I want to write. It’s just that that sounds so formal, and I don’t remember you being extremely formal.

Next week is the third anniversary of your death. We didn’t actually know each other that well, but I think about you all the time, because your death was so sudden and shocking, and because you left behind three young girls. I’m sharing this letter with people who don’t know your story, so I have to explain that you didn’t have ALS. But of course you know that. You were in the hospital having surgery to fix a blood clot – – is that the right way to say it? – – when you had a heart attack. You were 42.

How has it been three years? I remember coming to your house when I was pregnant and meeting your daughters. The youngest one was only 10 months old at the time. I remember sitting in your backyard and eating salads topped with freshly grilled chicken and laughing, because you were a really easy laugher, a trait I deeply admire. Read More>

On and Off…and On Again

Rob and Scarlett and I watched the first Harry Potter movie this weekend. I didn’t realize that it was over 2 1/2 hours long, so it was by far the longest movie she’s ever seen. I also wasn’t sure if maybe she was too young for it, because I don’t think that your average five-year-old is out there watching Harry Potter. Three-headed drooling monster dogs and a scary snakelike wizard whose evil face is coming out of the back of someone else’s head…it’s quite a step up from The Octonauts and Frozen.

But it’s an example of something I occasionally find myself doing, which is introducing her to a book, a movie, or a concept a little early just so that I can make sure I get to share it with her. We read Charlottes Web when she was four, even though I thought that might be a little bit early to deal with the themes and storyline. I think her mind probably strayed a little during the book, but ultimately she declared that she loved it, and she was especially fascinated when I started crying at the end. She brought Charlotte’s Web home from the school library this week. She wants to read it again.

Likewise, she really loved Harry Potter and didn’t seem at all afraid, and I think it helped that we had listened to the audiobook first, so that she knew the story and what to expect. When the hideous troll lumbered into the girls bathroom, Scarlett burst out laughing. Read More>

All the Feelings

One day last week, Scarlett sidled up next to me and said, “Otto is being a real D – N – E – R.”

“What does that spell?” I asked her.

Jerk,” she whispered.

Otto, who was calmly lying on his dog bed in the corner of the living room, seemed unfazed by this random attack on his character. I just laughed to myself. She’s working so hard on her spelling, and in pure Scarlett fashion, concentrates more on certain types of words than others. You can see further evidence of this at her Twitter account.

We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at the things that Scarlett says, although in our finer moments, Rob and I can even laugh at our situation. After all, what else can you do?

Oh wait, I know! I totally know this one.

You can cry.

I cry. I’m just sharing that in case anyone thinks that I am strong and stoic and unemotional and brave all the time. Read More>