I have now been asked—two times—if I am Scarlett’s grandmother. This is not a joke. Two entire people have looked at me and seen, I guess (?), only a wheelchair. The first woman was so surprised it was comical. We’d been talking for nearly ten minutes in a park when Scarlett wandered over.
“Your granddaughter?” she asked.
“My daughter,” I said.
“Oh!” she blurted. “I thought you were my age! I’m 67.”
“I’m 36,” I told her. I could tell she felt bad, but I figured it was a one-time mistake, a trick of the light, my choice of oversized sunglasses, my shapeless maxi dress. I wasn’t insulted.
Then I took Scarlett for ice cream on Saturday, just the two of us. We rolled the mile from our house to a little sweet shop in our nearest downtown area. It’s been open since 1931, and retains the charm (and maybe a few actual bags of candy) of that time. The only thing that gives it away is the collection of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Hello Kitty Pez dispensers in the display window.
Scarlett likes to try to see if she can get candy out of the machines that sit outside the doorway, without putting any money in. “Let’s just see if I get lucky,” she’ll say, as if it would be the thrill of a lifetime to wind up with a free handful of rock hard sugar shaped like fruit.
But we were there for the ice cream, which I think makes her lucky enough. She chose the purple sweet potato flavor (is this SO San Francisco?) and we were sitting at a bench outside, when an older couple came out of the store.
They smiled at us. “Is she yours?” asked the woman.
I started to respond when she added, “Are you her grandma?”
“Nope,” I replied with a smile. “I’m her mom. I’m 36 years old.”
I know I don’t have to tell people my age, but I like to see their faces when they hear it. And I was mostly amused as we rolled away. I don’t think I look like someone’s grandma, but I have discovered that just as the camera adds 10 pounds, the wheelchair adds THIRTY YEARS. I was not previously aware of this phenomenon. It’s magical.
Obviously, most people do not make this mistake. In fact, one of the first times Scarlett and I visited her new school, a first grader asked if I was her sister. So that was awesome. In case anyone was wondering, I did not feel impelled to tell the first grader that I was 36.
Outside of the ALS community, I don’t know anyone my age who’s in a wheelchair. It’s just very unusual. I went to Scarlett’s school picnic last Friday, a Kindergarten through fourth grade affair. The wide green lawn in front of her school was full of little girls, teachers, and parents. But there was only one wheelchair. Mine.
The girls handle it beautifully. They ask questions. Why are you in that? When will you get out? Can I touch it? (Yes.) Can I drive it? (No.) And my latest favorite: You’re in that wheelchair again?
Scarlett has taken to answering the questions. “My mom has A.L.S.” she’ll say, carefully enunciating each letter. “It makes her muscles weak.”
The other night I overheard Rob and Scarlett talking. I don’t know who brought it up, but they were talking about vampires, and how if you’re bitten by vampire, you can live forever. They decided that we should find a vampire to bite us so that we can all live forever. Together. Scarlett came into my bedroom to tell me the plan. She puckered up her lips and kissed me.
“I’m in,” I said.
36 forever. Could be worse.
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What a beautiful sweet story. You definitely do NOT look like a grandma! The other funny thing people do to people in wheelchairs is shout–as if you cannot hear because you are in a chair. Love you and appreciate your writing. It touches my heart each time. Gail
thank you, gail! xo
I have to tell you a story. I was walking out of a hotel the other day and this YOUNG man in a wheelchair had 3 boxes on his lap and when the automatic doors opened I noticed the top box was teetering, and my first instinct was to say “Oh! let me help you!” and I went to grab the box, and he said back to me “I am ALL good, I got wheels!” we both laughed! But, I found myself correcting what I said to him, and letting him know that the only reason why I asked him if he needed help, was I thought the box was going to fall and it had no reason to do with the fact he was in a wheel chair… (I mean, the UPS and FEDEX guy comes through our doors at work all the time and I go out of my way to keep the door open for him/her)…. Anyways, I know that the situation has been on my mind since it happened and I felt bad that I tried to help the guy, fearing that I offended him in some way, which I clearly did not intend to . And, I know this had nothing to do with people thinking you looking like Scarlett’s Grandma since you are sitting in a wheelchair – which by the way is absolutely INSANE that anyone would say that to you – I just wanted to share and entertain you back, because I LOVE reading your blog – you are such a GREAT writer, unlike the babble that I have typed up for you today! Amazing Lady you are!! Cheers!
I’m not sure how I found your blog – I think maybe a high school friend on Facebook posted a link. Anyhow, I can completely relate to the wheelchair grandma comments. I’m 37 and was in a car accident almost 4 years ago that left me with a spinal cord injury and unable to walk. My kids are now 5 and 8. Yep, the only mama in a chair around here too. My daughter and I were getting our nails done and the lady next to us said how cute that you brought your granddaughter. The wheels adding 30 years made me truly LOL! Rock that chair.
I am now actively searching for vampires.
OMG. Grandmother? I won’t be annoyed next time someone calls me ma’am that’s for sure.
reminder not to read this during class, I literally LOL in class and got some looks. Maybe you should say “yes I’m her grandma AND I’m 36″ just to see if the reaction is different.
People say the most ignorant things sometimes. I have to admit earlier this summer the same thing happened to me! I wanted to shout, I was 35 years old! I was walking Luke in a stroller at an outdoor market and trying to scold Lucy at the same time for who knows what. An older woman, who was a grandmother at the age of 40, struck up a conversation (that I was in no mood to do at that moment) telling me how hard it is blah, blah. She then proceeded to ask if they were my grandchildren. I gasped. What! NO, I am their mother. I was trying to be polite and just finished the short conversation and walked away. I am sure you are more prone to idiots saying stupid things but just thought you should know it’s not just you.