Today when I woke up, my hands felt different. Weaker. It reminded me of when my feet started to get weak, the effort to use them exhausting and involving muscles that you would think have nothing to do with feet. It was like that today, with my hands, as I moved them clumsily to drive my wheelchair. I could feel the muscles in my neck working to help. I tried to observe it from a distance, an impartial witness to an odd bit of impotence. I don’t know if the losses get easier or harder to deal with, and the answer is probably a little bit of both.

Sometimes I tell myself I’m just tired or cold, two things that affect my strength to shocking degrees. And I am tired. We had a nice time in Healdsburg, a little town nestled into Sonoma County, a wine wonderland. But both Rob and I forgot about packing my foot braces, and so the nights were uncomfortable, requiring near hourly adjustments. It was miserable. The days were rainy, so that Scarlett couldn’t swim in the pool, but we had fun taking Otto out into the vineyards to run around and act – – finally – – like the hunting dog he truly is. Although he didn’t successfully hunt anything (phew!), he was driven nearly crazy by the birds and the new smells, and it seemed like he was trying to run in every direction at once.

We knew it would rain and had debated not going, but both Rob and I felt like it would be good to get away for a while. Despite the long nights, we were able to spend two days together just wandering, spending hours in the bookstore. Read More>