The writers Jessica Lahey and KJ Dell’Antonia have a podcast called #AmWriting. Their tagline: Keep Your Butt in the Chair and Your Head in the Game. The good news is, I’m constantly halfway there. I certainly can’t complain that it’s too difficult to sit down. So the problem must be with my head. I’m so tired lately; I’ve been napping on the breathing machine for at least two hours a day. I don’t really mind this, time slows down with Scarlett at camp and Rob at work. There is much to think about, but little to do, mainly because I can’t do much of anything.

Things are getting harder. My arms are weak, my shoulders and elbows ache in the night, and I am getting tiny pressure sores on my hands, although those are healing since we stopped placing them on top of a pillow that was clearly made with not only bird feathers, but also beaks and bones. Most uncomfortable pillow ever, and my only excuse for not telling Rob about it sooner is the pharmacy that I stuff into my body before bed each night. #toohightocare

In the silence of my day, I reach for clarity. I strive for kindness and wish for peace. It’s become something of a mantra. Much more normal than some of my past mantras. For a while when I lived in Manhattan, the best way to fall asleep at night was to think of the name of the French politician Segolene Royal over and over again. My mind heard it as a mother’s whispered lullaby, and I passed out easily. I have no idea why her name brought me such serenity. It doesn’t work anymore. Read More>